The Ezrin Quale Trilogy

Enchanted Spindle

6th-level Enchantment

Casting Time: 1 hour Range: Touch Components: V, S, M (the needle from a spinning wheel, which the spell consumes) Duration: Until triggered Classes: Bard, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard

You enchant the needle with an ancient magic while speaking the true name of a creature. The needle appears ordinary and harmless until it draws that creature's blood. When a creature is pricked by the enchanted needle, unless willing, it must succeed on a Wisdom saving throw against your spell save DC or fall into a deep, magical slumber for one day.

While asleep, the creature is unconscious, incapacitated, and unaware of its surroundings. It does not age, require food or drink, or dream. A creature immune to magical sleep is unaffected by the needle.

The sleeper cannot be awakened by normal means. The slumber can be ended with Remove Curse cast using a spell slot of 5th level or higher, or Dispel Magic. At the discretion of the GM, the kiss of a true love may also end the slumber.

At Higher Levels

When you cast this spell using a spell slot of 7th level or higher, the duration of the sleep is determined by the slot used:

Slot Level	Duration
7th	1 week
8th	1 year
9th	100 years

Ezrin's Notes

This one was a lucky find. It was documented in a tome of folklore I was idly perusing.

I wonder if the creator considered that it could also be used as a one way time-machine?

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Speak with Dad

2nd-level divination – Casting Time: 1 action – Range: 10 feet – Components: V, S, M (an offcut of wood your father swore would be handy one day, or similar item) – Duration: 10 minutes – Classes: Bard, Cleric, Sorcerer, Wizard

Choose one willing creature you can see within range (which can be you.) For the spell’s duration, that creature establishes a telepathic link with their father. Being a father isn't necessarily about blood, the person the target considers to be their father is contacted. The communication will work at any distance and even across different planes of existence.

Until the spell ends, the target can ask up to five questions. Answers are usually long, rambling, and often involve terrible puns. The father is under no compulsion to offer a truthful answer, and possibly won't if he thinks it's funnier.

A question may be spent to request practical advice; doing so grants the target advantage on one applicable ability check it makes before the spell ends.

When the spell ends, or once five questions have been asked, the telepathic link closes.

Ezrin's Notes

Mis-spelling of Speak with Dead. “Help! I'm in trouble!” “Hi, In Trouble. I'm Dad.”

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Enchanted Spindle

6th-level Enchantment

Casting Time: 1 hour
Range: Touch
Components: V, S, M (the needle from a spinning wheel, which the spell consumes)
Duration: Until triggered
Classes: Bard, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard

You enchant the needle with an ancient magic while speaking the true name of a creature. The needle appears ordinary and harmless until it draws that creature's blood. When a creature is pricked by the enchanted needle, unless willing, it must succeed on a Wisdom saving throw against your spell save DC or fall into a deep, magical slumber for one day.

While asleep, the creature is unconscious, incapacitated, and unaware of its surroundings. It does not age, require food or drink, or dream. A creature immune to magical sleep is unaffected by the needle.

The sleeper cannot be awakened by normal means. The slumber can be ended with Remove Curse cast using a spell slot of 5th level or higher, or Dispel Magic. At the discretion of the GM, the kiss of a true love may also end the slumber.

At Higher Levels

At Higher Levels. When you cast this spell using a spell slot of 7th level or higher, the duration of the sleep is determined by the slot used:

Slot Level	Duration
7th	1 week
8th	1 year
9th	100 years

Ezrin's Notes

This one was a lucky find. It was documented in a tome of folklore I was idly perusing.

I wonder if the creator considered that it could also be used as a one way time-machine?

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Book of Crap Cantrips

What makes a bad spell?

It's often been said that there's no such thing as a useless spell. Just because you don't have a use for it, doesn't mean it's useless.

That's true... to an extent.

But in my travels and research I have discovered cantrips that have simply made me scratch my head and wonder if they have any practical application whatsoever. Some of these spells had a good intent behind them, but just didn't work quite right. Others may make you question the sanity of their creator.

So I have gathered them here for your inspection. Perhaps you can think of a clever use for them where I have failed.

Ezrin Quale

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Count Sheep

Enchantment cantrip

Casting Time: 1 minute
Range: Self
Components: V, M (a small piece of sheep wool)
Duration: 5-8 hours (choose the length when you cast the spell)
Classes: Bard, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard

The wool turns into a miniature sheep that continually jumps over your head. You must count each leap aloud. On the count of one hundred you drift into a gentle, magical slumber for the spell's duration. The sheep wool reverts to its original form.

You can be awakened normally. Any time you spend asleep under this spell counts toward the six hours of sleep required during a long rest.

Ezrin’s Notes

Handy for the occasional bout of insomnia. But if you need it often enough to keep it memorized as a cantrip, you should probably consult your healer.

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Create Goldfish

Transmutation cantrip

Casting Time: 10 minutes
Range: 5 feet
Components: V, S, M (A flower's petal)
Duration: 10 years
Classes: Druid, Sorcerer, Wizard

The flower's petal is placed in a water, as the petal sinks it turns in to a living fish. The tiny carp-like fish's color is determined by the color of the petal used. When the spell ends, the fish reverts to a petal.

The fish can live up to 10 years if kept properly. If the fish dies, the spell ends.

Ezrin's Notes

Beautiful magic, and wondrous to behold. Pity it's not very useful.

Stat Block

Goldfish

Tiny Beast, Unaligned ___ – Armor Class : 13 (natural) – Hit Points : 1 – Speed : swim 20 ft. ___ | STR | DEX | CON | INT | WIS | CHA | |:——-:|:——-:|:——-:|:——-:|:——-:|:——-:| |1 (-5)|16 (+3)| 8 (-1)| 1 (-5)|10 (+0)|2 (-4)| ___ – Senses : passive Perception 12 – Challenge : 0 (0 XP) ___ Water Breathing. The goldfish can breathe only underwater.

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False Moustache

Illusion cantrip

Casting Time: 1 action
Range: Self
Components: S
Duration: 1 hour
Classes: Bard, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard

A false moustache appears on your upper-lip, persisting for the spell's duration or until you dismiss it (no action required.) You choose its style: simple, handlebar, pencil, horseshoe, walrus, imperial, etc.

A creature that uses its action to inspect your appearance can determine the moustache is illusory with a successful Intelligence (Investigation) check against your spell-save DC. A creature that physically touches the moustache automatically realizes it is fake.

Whether a moustache alone is enough to fool someone is left at the discretion of the GM.

Ezrin's Notes

Presumably intended as a cost-saving alternative to Disguise Self. But you know what they say: You get what you pay for.

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Gold to Straw

Transmutation cantrip

Casting Time: 1 minute
Range: 30 feet
Components: V, S
Duration: Instantaneous
Classes: Bard, Druid, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard

Choose one piece of non-magical gold within range that you know the exact location of, worth no more than 5 gp. The chosen gold is instantly transmuted into an equivalent weight of ordinary straw. The transformation is permanent.

Gold alloys are affected if the alloy is mostly gold.

Ezrin's Notes

I have to imagine the creator of this spell was going for the opposite. What they ended up with is a very expensive way to buy straw.

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Pocket Echo

Illusion cantrip

Casting Time: 1 action
Range: 30 feet
Components: V, S
Duration: 3 days, or until triggered
Classes: Bard, Gadgeteer, Sorcerer, Wizard

You whisper up to ten words, then touch or point to an open pocket, pouch, envelope, sack, or similar small container you can see within range. The object then magically closes.

Until the spell ends, the first time that container is opened – its flap lifted, seal broken, or draw-string loosened – your words echo from inside, audible within 10 feet. The sound is no louder than normal speech. Then the spell ends.

If the container is not opened within three days the magic dissipates.

Ezrin's Notes

“Help, I'm trapped in the tailor's shop.”

One of my better uses, I think.

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Rotate Thirteen

Transmutation cantrip

Casting Time: 1 minute
Range: Touch
Components: S
Duration: Instantaneous
Classes: Bard, Gadgeteer, Wizard

Encodes or decodes a written document with a simple cipher. When you cast the spell, touch one book, one scroll, or one loose page; the letters on it magically rearrange themselves, keeping the original handwriting or typeface. The change is permanent, but you can cast Rotate Thirteen again on the same document to restore the original text.

The cipher is laughably weak. Any creature examining the text can attempt an Intelligence (Investigation) check against DC 10; on a success the creature deciphers the message.

Ezrin's Notes

For the secret message you want to be read?

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