The Ezrin Quale Trilogy

Who is Ezrin Quale?

Ezrin Quale is a a traveling magical scholar obsessed with collecting the strangest, most obscure spells in existence. Not powerful spells, mind you, but misfires, magical oddities, and utterly baffling cantrips.

A while ago, I started working on a project inspired by Ezrin: The Ezrin Quale Trilogy – three collections of unusual but usable magic: Mis-Spells, Crap Cantrips, and The Wizard's Wager. The goal was to create spells that are funny, flavorful, and still balanced enough to use at the table.

After a long break, I've decided to return to the project with more experienced eyes. I'll be revisiting and rebalancing the spells, releasing one a day, and eventually collecting them into a full book. Comedy is a central ingredient of my games. With this project, I want to make something that will make your table laugh, but also think, “Hey... that might actually be useful.”

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Book of Mis-Spells

On the nature of Mis‑Spellings

Most mages have encountered a mis-spelling at some point during their career. Possibly during training where mis-spellings are common, or sometimes in the heat of battle where a spell didn't go quite right.

A mis-spell starts when a mage is attempting to cast a spell, but gets some minor gesture, word or component wrong. In most cases, the spell would simply fail at this point. However, you may wind up casting an entirely different spell from intended. This, in basic terms, is a mis-spelling.

Most mis-spells are useless, though some can be dangerous. (If you've ever had a spell blow-up in your face, this was likely a mis-spelling.) Rarely, they might have some value as an entirely new spell. It is these that I have documented in this text.

I have collected the following from mis-spelling incidents throughout the lands for your enjoyment and instruction.

Ezrin Quale

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Dice Storm

4th-level evocation

Casting Time: 1 action
Range: 300 feet
Components: V, S, M (a die)
Duration: Instantaneous
Classes: Druid, Sorcerer, Wizard

A hail of dice pounds to the ground in a 20-foot-radius, 40-foot-high cylinder centered on a point within range. Each creature in the cylinder must make a Dexterity saving throw. A creature takes 1d4 piercing damage and 1d6+1d8+1d12 bludgeoning damage on a failed save, or half as much damage on a successful one. The dice turn the area of effect into difficult terrain until the end of your next turn, after which they disappear.

At Higher Levels. When you cast this spell using a spell slot of 5th level or higher, the bludgeoning damage increases by 1d8 for each slot level above 4th.

Ezrin's Notes

Mis-spelling of Ice Storm. If you don't think dice would make the terrain difficult, you've never stepped on a four-sided die.

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Divine Flavour

1st-level transmutation

Casting Time: 1 action
Range: 30 feet
Components: V, S
Duration: Until eaten
Classes: Cleric, Paladin

You say a short prayer over a single item of food you can see in range. The food is suffused with a mouth-watering taste. A creature that consumes the food while it is still fresh regains hit points equal to 1d4 + your spell-casting ability modifier. This spell has no effect on undead or constructs.

The blessing is fragile: at the first dawn after the spell is cast, the food spoils and the magic ends. Spoiled food confers no healing (and is probably unpleasant to eat.)

At Higher Levels. When you cast this spell using a spell slot of 2nd level or higher, the Healing increases by 1d4 for each slot level above 1st.

Ezrin's Notes

Mis-spelling of Divine Favour. Fairly useful if your friend who can't cook offers to make dinner and you don't want to seem rude.

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Find Snacks

2nd-level divination

Casting Time: 1 action
Range: 300 feet
Components: V, S
Duration: Instantaneous
Classes: Cleric, Druid, Ranger

You sense the presence of any snack within range. A snack, for the purpose of this spell, includes anything that you would consider tasty or appetizing, and which was specifically intended as such by its creator or cultivator.

Thus, the spell would sense an apple on a tree, a wheel of cheese, or an adventurer's ration, but it would not reveal a naturally growing mushroom, a pool of water, or a long-forgotten mouldy sandwich.

This spell merely reveals that a snack is present. You don't learn the location of each snack, but you do learn the general direction of each snack you sense, and how appetizing it seems.

Ezrin's Notes

Mis-spelling of Find Traps. Unlike it's namesake, Find Snacks does not require line of sight, has a range of 300 feet and does give you a general direction. Which might actually make it a more useful spell.

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Ezrin Quale's Book of Mis-spells

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Geese

1st-level conjuration

Casting Time: 1 action
Range: 60 feet
Components: V, S, M (a bit of pork rind or bread crust)
Duration: 1 minute
Classes: Bard, Druid, Ranger, Wizard

1d6 + 6 loudly honking geese swirl into being, filling a 10-foot square centered on a point you can see within range. Treat the entire gaggle as one Small creature with AC 10 and a number of hit points equal to the number of geese you rolled.

While the flock has 4 or more hit points, the square it occupies counts as difficult terrain. When it is reduced to 0 hit points, the spell ends.

When the geese appear, each creature standing in the square must succeed on a Dexterity saving throw against your spell save DC or be tripped and fall prone. A creature that enters the area or ends its turn there must also make the same saving throw or fall prone.

The geese are summoned magically, but are not magical creatures. The geese cannot be commanded or shooed away and remain until the spell ends, at which point they vanish. Other creatures can move through the flock's space, and the geese provide no cover.

Ezrin's Notes

Mis-spelling of Grease. Peace was never an option.

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Old Monster

5th-level necromancy

Casting Time: 1 action
Range: 90 feet
Components: V, S, M (a butterscotch lozenge)
Duration: Concentration, up to 1 minute
Classes: Bard, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard

Choose one creature you can see within range. The target must make a Wisdom saving throw. On a failed save, it visibly withers, rapidly aging to the twilight of its natural lifespan. Until the spell ends, the creature suffers frailty:

Its speed is reduced to 0 and it can't benefit from bonuses to its speed.
It has disadvantage on ability checks, attack rolls, and saving throws.
It can't take reactions.

At the end of each of its turns, the creature can repeat the saving throw, ending the spell on itself on a success.

At Higher Levels. When you cast this spell using a spell slot of 6th level or higher, you can target one additional creature for each slot level above 5th. The creatures must be within 30 feet of each other when you target them.

Ezrin's Notes

Mis-spelling of Hold Monster. You may not be able to teach old dogs new tricks, but you can at least teach new dogs old tricks.

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Prestissimotion

Enchantment Cantrip – Casting Time: 1 action – Range: Self – Components: V, S – Duration: 1 hour – Classes: Bard, Gadgeteer, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard

You work faster, allowing you to complete simple tasks in two-thirds of the normal time.

This spell does not alter your movement speed, grant additional actions, or shorten the time required for combat actions, spellcasting, or any activity that already takes 1 round or less.

Example uses are reading a book quickly, quicker repairing, or finally getting to that washing-up you've been meaning to do.

Ezrin's Notes

Mis-spelling of Prestidigitation. 'Prestidigitation' is so hard to pronounce. Honestly, using it as a spell for beginners was asking for a mis-spelling.

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Over-Heal

2nd-level Evocation – Casting Time: 1 action – Range: Touch – Components: V, S – Duration: Instantaneous – Classes: Bard, Cleric, Paladin

A creature you touch regains a number of hit points equal to 2d6 + your spellcasting ability modifier. If this brings the creature to its maximum hit points, the excess is added to the creature as temporary hit points. This spell cannot increase a creature's temporary hit points beyond 5 + your spellcasting ability modifier. The creature loses the temporary hit points after 1 minute.

This spell has no effect on undead or constructs.

At Higher Levels: When you cast this spell using a spell slot of 3rd level or higher, the healing increases by 1d6 for each slot level above 2nd.

Ezrin's Notes

“Oh my gods, epic over-heal!” – Direct battlefield quote

This spell came to me in an uncommon fashion: a scroll, tucked away inside a piece of armor I recovered from a long-forgotten temple. I suspect paladins might have used it to one-up each other – but its true provenance is lost to time.

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